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Dark_Witch
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PostSubject: jokes   Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:23 pm

q: what is brown and sticky?

a: a stick!

a blonde walks into a shoe store and asks the clerk if they have any alligator boots.
the clerk says "yes we do they are 250 dollars"
the blonde says "that way to much for a pair of boots i'll go get my own alligator boots!"
when the clerk is walking home he sees the blonde in the lake with a baseball bat raised over her head
and he asks "any luck with those alligator boots?"
the blonde says " arggggg i've killed six alligators and none of them are wearing boots!"lol!

this guy goes to a pirate audition he has a hook and an eye patch so they ask him
" how did you get your hook?"
he says " i cut it off with a chain saw "
" how did you get your eye patch" they ask
he says " i heard something so i looked up and a bird pooped on my eye"
" and how did that exactly make you get and eye patch?" they ask
" it was the day after i got my hook"
pirat
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Schoeva
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PostSubject: Re: jokes   Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:09 pm

Dark_Witch wrote:
q: what is brown and sticky?

a: a stick!
I just peed from laughing so hard. rabbit
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Dark_Witch
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PostSubject: Re: jokes   Sat Jul 19, 2008 6:03 pm

Four Worms and a lesson



A Southern minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke -Dead



Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead




Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -
What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,




'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service Very Happy


The Tomato Garden




An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Papa,

I'd do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.


Love, Vinnie




The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head”.

Yep”, he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin it here, cause it says

‘Fine For Dumping Garbage’.


Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."
She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months ater her car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she
felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table.

She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the
pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband
was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.

She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.

Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish
her a "Happy Birthday"!!!








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LuckyLucas
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PostSubject: Re: jokes   Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:01 pm

This thread is a joke!! hahaha
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